A Few of My Favorite things

Hey Everyone,

I've been workin' hard and really weird lately so I haven't blogged. Here is a blog of a few of my latest favorite internet videos.

I was at a wedding in Toronto and my Friend Farzad showed me this. These dudes are some of the best musicians i've ever seen.

This is just funny.

The tech nerd in me is blown away by this.

A Tranny Hooker macing a fat kid and his mom for REALS

Crackhead Hooker Maces KId - watch more funny videos

PS - Max told me some GOOD gossip.

Liquids With Friends

Got drinks with Rob and his "room mate" (life mate) the other day. What started as a quest to find a drink and some cheap sunglasses, ended in a night filled with lolitas, beards, cigarettes, smelly fruit, cheeze puffs, dead hipsters, bacon, and dog sex nearly 10 hours later. This is the only proof of the night.

Also, met up with Maddie Deutch and got coffee. However, I did not understand what an expresso was and looked very foolish as I sipped about a tablespoon of liquid for 3 hours.

-Max

PS: Nobody in the entire world reads this anymore.

Mayor Cupcake - Photo Retrospective

I haven't taken a lot of pictures since my camera got stolen a couple of years ago. Here are a few I took with my iPhone with witty one sentence captions...

Yeah, I think he Banged her.

If you look closely you can see Lauren in the back being all angry.

John Paul Hates fun but loves to Tweet.

Charlie wasn't prepared for either his first period or eating a large Ice Cream Cone.

I think the License speaks for itself.

Look it's morning, time for eggs with stuff in them.

- Rob

PS Max how dare you air out our dirty laundry in public!

Deceived

Was supposed to hang out with Rob, Stacy Rowe, and Damon tonight. Rob said he would "tag me in." However, my phone never rang. And I'm certain because I spent all night sitting next to it watching it. I wonder what about me he's trying to hide. Now there's nothing left for me but a lonely, empty room where I will lay in my bed on the floor imagining how much fun they must be having. I hope everyone is having a good time without me. I'm glad I'm not there to ruin their fun. This is the way it should be. This is what I deserve. When everyone comes home after their night filed with drunken belly shaving, underwear dancing, hooker murders, and hobo fights and reads this, please, don't shed a tear...This is the way it should be...

I just don't know about this relationship any more. I just don't know...

-Max

PS: Kyle called but I didn't answer, that guy's lame.

Sadness...

Life on the outside is getting tough. I'm not angry at chicken anymore, I'm drinking less, I'VE ONLY WORN A VISOR ONCE!

How can I live again?

-Rob

PS I don't miss KYYYLLLLLEEE at all... AT ALL!

Starvation

Day 2 without Rob. I think I've finally run out of tears.





Now I'm only left with blood to cry...

-Max

PS: ...

Finally back in NYC

It's been a full 2 day process getting back to the city for me. I had to split my belongings between two cars only to drop off my gear at Charlie's house in PA. Then I had to take a train to pick up my my mom's car( a Subaru Outback most people refer to as a "Lesbian's Car"). I then picked up Max and my gear in Philly. Followed by dropping Max off in Brooklyn before my triumphant return to Queens. The only thing getting me through this whole process was the thought of stretching out and sleeping in my own bed until like 1pm. Cut to 7:30 am and lucky me pushed aside all my stuff so I could have just enough room to lay down. It's amazing to wake up next to hard drives, paper work and cameras in the morning. I'm living the fucking dream let me tell you.

- Rob

PS Saying goodbye to Max was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

I don't know why she swallowed...

I do this great joke where I grab a fly in mid air and squeeze it in my hand and then suck it in my mouth as if I have eaten it. However, the trick to the joke is to only do it when you have actually missed the fly. Yesterday on set, that joke backfired when I learned I am sometimes more accurate than I realize.

-Max

PS: Taste like chicken.

Open Bar Vs. All You Can Eat Seafood Buffet.

I'm trying to figure out what's going to kill me first. I'm gonna say buffet. I've been cut off at bars before but never at a buffet.

- Rob

PS I still need to take a bowl breaking dump. Hopefully I'll wreak my bathroom tonight. Lucky Draus...

Unfulfilled

I've wanted to do one thing today and one thing only. That one thing is to go into the small, shallow, gross pool in my hotel and float for about 5 minutes. However, every time I try, I find the pool is filled to the brim with screaming 8 year olds. So if anybody on the 4th floor has been wondering why I've been seen walking to the 4th floor with my little mermaid beach towel and then immediately walking back, as you can see there is a perfectly normal explanation.

-Max

PS: No 8 year olds jokes please.

Shame Part 2

On the first day of the shoot we were told that we were rock stars so last night I tried to party like one. Today I realize that I am not a rock star but a 30 year old man who's afraid to leave his room because he doesn't want to look anyone in the eye or hear any stories shedding any light on my black out.

- Rob

PS I am going to deny anything I did that I don't clearly remember.

Shame (Part 1)

Went to the Bottle and Cork last night. The greatest rock and roll bar in the world. I couldn't for the life of me get a fucking drink. I've never been more sober in my entire life.

-Max

PS: I never knew how many hits Mr Greengenes had.

Steve Breslin

The following text is from Steve Breslin: "So... your lack of bloggin' starts the weekend on a bad note."

I love this blog and I love Steve but really???

Let's have high hopes for this weekend. Let's drink our bottles of Whiskey, let's drink all of Alex's booze, let's drink any alcohol Drause leaves behind... But Breslin I swear to god you keep this up we are either going to Fuck or Fight... and I'm all out of Condoms!

- Rob

PS Max, I'm holding my head up high.

Waiting

I've had this great blog. It's really funny. I couldn't wait to post it. However, I had to wait for Rob to blog first and he took a very long time. It's side splitting. It's so funny that when women who have received C sections read it, their scars break open and tiny, premature puppies come oozing out. I'm happy now that I can finally post it.

-Max

PS: I forgot it.

Lord of the Flies

I have six flies who I think consider me their new best friend. I know we spend all day together just hangin' out but enough's enough. It's to the point where all I can do is think about those commericals wanting people to give money to third world countries. There is always a shot of a bone thin little boy with flies all over him. The kid doesn't even blink when a fly is on his eye. ON HIS FUCKING EYE! That makes me so jealous you have no idea. I wish I didn't care like that. I spend all day slapping myself like a crazy person.

- Rob

PS I know I haven't been on set this week but I didn't think you would all fall apart without me.

Acceptance

Tonight, Rob, John Paul, and I went to do our laundry at the local laundromat. After drying his clothes, Rob found a pair of pink panties in his laundry basket that he had neglected. He seemed bemused but I know better. Luckily we are such great friends and I accept him. :)

-Max

PS: Either that, or John Draus has some explaining to do.

Vegan or VeGAY

I kind of think the only reason people go Vegan is so they can complain about how there is no place for them to eat. I have been spending a lot of time with a vegan in Delaware and not to name name names but all John Paul does is bitch and complain about how there is no food for him. Last time I checked restaurants served salad. Chickens poop eggs and cows pee milk to make our lives better.

- Rob

First Times

Today I heard Neil fart for the first time. It was blatant and pronounced. He was not ashamed. It was the sound of a tangled up kite in the wind. Except the kite was made out of boloney. I looked at Rory who appeared proud that I could be there for it. After farting, Neil walked away, leaving me alone with the scent of cold turkey.

-Max

PS: Rob totally missed eggs with stuff today.

Eggs or Eggs with Stuff in Them

I missed Eggs or Eggs with stuff in them this morning. I really could use the energy that Eggs or Eggs with stuff in them provide. I hope they have Eggs or Eggs with stuff in them for breakfast tomorrow.

- Rob

PS I usually choose Eggs with stuff in them over Eggs.